Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
