we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The uberlube is also flammable
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
