U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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