She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
