you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
