She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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