You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
