God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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