Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
