i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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