Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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