I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
