Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
