wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
