i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
