We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm too high and old for this...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
