i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
