Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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