The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
