I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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