The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
