my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
