He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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