I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
