They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
