Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
