Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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