We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
