smell my finger.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
