How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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