2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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