Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
