no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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