I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
