I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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