dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
