Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
