it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
