capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
