the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
