How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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