just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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