Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
