Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
