yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
