You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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