i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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