he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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