The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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