Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
