hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
