Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
