Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
