we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
